I must warn you, dear reader, that I am in the foulest of moods today. What brought on this lovely emotional cocktail of melancholy mixed with a splash of anxiety? No idea. Perhaps it’s because today is a rainy Thursday, the weekend is within sight but not quite a reality, and I’m jonesin’ for the weekend like you wouldn’t believe. Perhaps it’s because I plodded through that electronic ogre of an exam known as the GRE yesterday and am still not exactly sure what my score means. Maybe I’m pissed off because I’m tired of being treated like a second-class citizen of the sidewalks on Melrose Avenue. Four different bikers whizzed by me on my way in to work this morning. (It’s called a sideWALK, folks, not a sideBIKE.) Or maybe I’m just mad because the Java House was out of my favorite muffins.
I think there’s more to this than meets the eye.
Over the past few months, I’ve become increasingly anxious. At first I thought I felt trapped—in my job, in Iowa City in general. So I did a lot of soul searching and a lot of thinking and I decided on a career path, a time line, and an exit strategy. And I’ve pursued them which does make me happy. I’ve met a wonderful man who I care about, very much, who makes me very happy as well. So what’s my problem? With so many things going right in my life, why do I still feel somehow…wrong? I’m not exactly sure, but I’ve been finding myself longing for those days after the initial recovery of my breakup two years ago. Those days when I discovered that I was going to be okay because I had ME. I was no longer lonely but rather content just to be alone.
I think I miss myself.
Is that possible?
2 comments:
Hey Miss Molly, It is possible to miss yourself. I went through a phase like this that lasted for months. Many times, I think about the times are Movie Gallery and how that was probably the happiest time in my life. I've been trying to recapture that kind of feeling since I left Iowa City. I think that I have finally come to a point where I am truly happy. Hang in there Molly, things will get better.
It's absolutely possible- and I think I find myself in a similar season... I jump from one need to another for my little people... and by the time they're both settled in for the night- all I want is sleep.
Here's to brighter days...
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