Kind of a Downer

I am incredibly sad and lonely today. This sneaks up on me every once in a while and always catches me off guard. I should see it coming, but never seem to. My officemate being gone for the whole week coupled with the fact that my neighbor is moving out has thrown me into a wistful melancholy that not even a 7 mile run and a nice glass of wine can cure.

Those aren’t the only things bringing me down. It seems that a lot of my friends have had major, life-changing tragedies strike them and their families in the past two weeks. Listening to their struggles and hoping and praying they will overcome them has left me feeling empty and helpless. There’s nothing I can do to fix it. I can only stand by and witness their pain. Their struggles are internal, without any practical solution.

Also…over the last few months, someone who caused a lot of pain and tears in my past has attempted to reenter my life. So far, I’ve been guarded and somewhat nonchalant, having a polite conversation here and there, but never committing to rebuilding a relationship. But it’s getting harder. And it breaks my heart because I know this person hasn’t changed, couldn’t change, and shows no signs of ever changing. I’ve attempted to cut ties on several occasions over the past two years, knowing his limitations and my expectations will never allow us to be something healthy. My family and friends encourage me to keep my distance…which I can do…as long as he keeps his, too.

I should know better. I do know better.

Peace and Love